Dear Dish on Document Shreddage
Dear Dish:
Long time reader, first time writer. You know how it is, I don't need to start off with proper sentences. But let me shower you with praise: Excellent work.
You've really risen in the ranks in the past while, building your advice-giving empire and whatnot. So naturally I was concerned when I read in a previous letter that you may be a target of identity thieves.
Please tell me you shred all important documents. I'm concerned about garbage snoopers. This will help me sleep better at night, and will put to rest any safety issues even though I sleep in a ground-level bachelor suite with no blinds, across the street from unsavoury characters.
Cheerio,
A Concerned Citizen
Dear CC:
First of all, please allow Dish to point out that the term "shower," in the context in which you used it, is defined as bestowing liberally or lavishly. Dish would hardly call one short comment "showering" with praise.
Second, Dish does not currently shred her documents. However, before you panic, you should also know that she does not place them foolishly in the garbage or recycling bin where any of her stalkers could get a hold of them either.
In the past, Dish used to take any documents that needed shredding to work and use the shredder there. At her current workplace, the shredder is nowhere near as heavy duty. As a result, since she has not gotten around to purchasing her own shredder, Dish has just been tossing all such documents into an accordion file or a bag full of other documents that are no longer needed that she will one day get around to shredding or burning.
Last year, Dish had the nerve to laugh at the Staples commercial telling consumers to buy shredders for their loved ones for Christmas, but now she regrets it and a shredder is one of the items on the list she is sending to Santa.
Dish would also like to point out that she rues the day she left Service Canada and its heavy duty shredder, not to mention the free bbqs and cake, parties in the park, food court, two-dollar pad thai and, of course, the stimulating lunch time conversation that for some unknown reason always centred on Star Wars and iPods. Sigh. If only she could turn back time but, alas, it is not to be.
And now,for those who are interested, a word on comma splices:
"You know how it is, I don't need to start off with proper sentences."
"You know how it is" and "I don't need to start off with proper sentences" are both complete sentences and should therefore not be separated by a comma. This grammar dilemma, called a comma splice, can be solved by placing either a period or the ever elusive semicolon where the comma is now.
That is all.
Dish
posted by Dish @ 9:42 PM
4 Comments:
Speaking of free BBQ, there's been two this week so far! BonUS!
I personally love the semi-colon; however, I find it is very underutilized.
I think the semicolon is coming back in style.
....and I for one welcome the semicolon. As a trusted news personality, I can be of assistance in rounding up people to toil in the semicolon's underground sugar caves.
thanks for the invite to your free bbq palmer!
we've had 2 in the past 2 weeks but they weren't free. I thought we were sitting pretty until I heard about this free business over at SC. No fair!
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