Dear Dish on Ice Skating
Dear Dish:
With Winterlude upon us here in Ottawa, I am once again inundated with requests to go out skating on the Canal but I am unable to skate. This brings up memories of my childhood when I would be the only person on the side of the ice rink all by lonesome. I feel the same around this time of the year because everyone does not understand my inability to skate! I feel like a mutant. What can I do to fix this feeling?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous aka Mutant:
Clearly, you *are* a mutant. You grew up in Canada and can't skate? I am both shocked AND horrified. You mean to tell Dish that you never skated as a child? Not even roller skated?! Once upon a time, Dish was the queen of the roller rink, but that is a tale for another time.
You asked how you can stop feeling alienated from your friends and family. I *could* give you all sorts of fluffy advice about learning to love yourself for who you are, but that isn't so helpful when small children are pointing and laughing as glide circles around you on their skates.
What I suggest is that we get to the actual root of the problem. The only solution is that you must learn to skate. You are never too old to learn. The sooner the better in this case. I insist upon it. Dish will take you out to the canal herself if need be. If Chazz Michael Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy can put aside their differences and win the gold, then surely you can at least TRY to learn.
Now, should you try your best fail miserably then we will have to heed Homer Simpson's wise words of "Never try." In that case, I will be here to soothe you and tell you all the things you need to hear about self-esteem. Until then, get your arse out onto the Canal and learn to skate already.
love
Dish
P.S. You may want to bring an old metal chair to push around at first to help you learn to balance.
Happy gliding!
posted by Dish @ 10:17 PM
2 Comments:
There is NOTHING wrong with being a mutant Dish! Mutants have really cool powers like telepathy and telekinesis and the ability to blow things up!
Have you hugged a mutant today?
I'm not talking mutant in a cool x-men way. I am talking mutant in a bizarre inaptitude way. :o)
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