Dear Dish on Keeping Secrets
Dear Dish:
Throughout my years on this Earth (as opposed to the other one), I have encountered the phrase "But don't tell anyone" or "Shh. That's a secret." One would believe that if you hear this phrase, then you should keep it to yourself to respect your friend. The only exception would be if it the secret ends up harming another friend, but that's a different case.
Now, my question revolves around people in relationships and whether or not a person can share the secret with them. I shall give you an example:
Let's say Sally tells Jemaine that she was kissing a boy on Saturday night. She also stipulates that this is to remain a secret. So, in respecting his friend, Jemaine decides to keep the secret, and not even mention it to his lovely girlfriend Trixie, who is the most caring (and beautiful) person on the Earth. And has an accent.
Let it be noted that Trixie was also at the same establishment where this kiss took place on the night in question. One would think that if Trixie saw this, then chances are she would have told Jemaine, hence Jemaine assumes that Trixie did not see the kissing event and realizes that he should keep it a secret (out of respect for his friend Sally).
QUESTION: Is it fine to share these secrets with loved ones? A sub-question to this is whether or not it is assumed that if Sally tells Jemaine to keep a secret, that because Jemaine is in a relationship with Trixie the secret can automatically be passed onto her (unless there is the caveat of "And don't tell Trixie!!!").
In the end, Jemaine looks like a moron because Trixie brought it up because Sally was also talking to Trixie about the event. So here we have Sally telling both Jemaine and Trixie about the same event, but as far as Jemaine can tell, he was asked to keep it a secret. Was this a test on Jemaine? In the future, should he just assume that people know that whenever a secret is told, he's going to share it with Trixie?
A perplexed partner
Dear Perplexed:
In this situation Dish feels that Jemaine should be applauded for his integrity. Truly he is an honest and faithful friend to Sally.
In response to your question, IDEALLY, Dish feels that if you tell someone something and specify that it is a secret, than that means it is a secret. If someone confides a secret in you than that means it is for yours ears alone. It is not for you share with just one person. It is not for you to assume that you may also tell your partner. Should the person with the secret choose to tell other people, than that is their concern. It is not your business to share the secret with others, or even to drop hints or to see if you can figure out who, if anyone, has also been told the secret. Dish believes that this is the standard that should be upheld.
However, in the real world, things tend to work a little differently. Dish has to say that if she tells one part of a couple something that is a secret, she generally assumes that the person will share her secret with their significant other. If she does not want the significant other to know the secret, than generally she just will specifically ask that person not to tell their significant other. Even so, this is not always a guarantee and sometimes she just won’t tell that person the secret at all.
Now, just because Dish tends to be a bit cynical (Her mother didn’t give her a guide for cynics for nothing...Dish sometimes wonders if her mothers really understands her sense of humour. Mom, if you're reading this, I love you!), Dish does not advocate that Jemaine give up his high standards. Far from it. The world needs more men like Jemaine. Dish is merely warning unsuspecting readers that, when they are confiding in most others besides Jemaine, they are likely sharing their secret with two people, if their confidante is part of a couple.
With regard to whether Sally was merely testing Jemaine, it is possible; however, there could also be other explanations. For example, perhaps Sally is jaded and assumes that Jemaine is like most others and that her secret would be passed on to Trixie anyway. Perhaps Sally merely forgot to inform Jemaine that she had also told Trixie (clearly, this would have been the and courteous thing to do). Or, perhaps Sally is just one of those people who can’t even keep her own secret. Dish suggests that Jemaine ask Sally about it directly since that is the only way to truly uncover the reasoning behind her actions.
Hope this clears up any confusion.
Dish
posted by Dish @ 11:40 AM
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