Dear Dish on Tramapolines!
Dear Dish:
I'm concerned about trampolines being death traps. Sure, we used to jump on them all the time back in the day, but times have changed. Today's children aren't nearly hearty enough to survive playing on a trampoline. These kids are being raised on iPods and Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup.
And then, in the summer, they stick lawn sprinklers under them and, god forbid, sometimes put soap on the top. I survived (and had a lot of fun) trampolining as a child, but I'm not sure about kids today. I picture a futuristic world where either:
1) All children have been wiped out due to trampolines; or
2) Humanity is prospering and children are enjoying safer alternatives.
Sincerely,
A deep thinker
P.S. Not that I want to get all neurotic on people, but here's the mathematical breakdown of Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup folks: amount of sodium > amount of actual and/or synthesized chicken.
Dear thinker:
Safer alternatives? Are you mad? Trampolines are part of the natural selection process. Who are we to tamper with that? I survived many a trampoline-jumping session and I think I am a quality member of society. In fact, as per Lisa Simpson's suggestion, I just might have my wedding on a trampoline. I have also eaten plenty of Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup and I haven't had a heart attack.
This is a matter of the survival of the fittest. Kids today need to toughen up!
Now, I leave you with some quotes from a fabulous Simpsons episode, "Bart's Inner Child" when Homer gets a free trampoline from Krusty.
Todd: Each leap brings us closer to God.
Rod: Catch me, Lord, catch me!
[They collide and fall onto the ground]
What have we done to make God angry?
Todd: *You* did it!
Milhouse: Stop jumping on me! I'm hurt.
Homer: Kids, kids: once you get hurt, move aside and let other people jump.
Dish
posted by Dish @ 10:20 AM
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