Dear Dish on SAD Celebrations
Dear Dish:
How can I squeeze the last drop of goodness out of Singles Awareness Day this year?
Do I need to show up to work that day?
Sincerely,
An Aware Single
Dear Aware:
There are many ways to celebrate Singles Awareness Day. Really, it depends on what sort of perspective you are coming from this year. Are you single and loving it? Single and suicidal? Single and heartbroken? Single and bitter? Single and aware that many of the people around you have merely settled? Single and looking? Part of a couple but thinking you can do better and wishing you were single? Your perspective will have a big impact on your day.
First of all, I suggest you pick a theme song that reflects your mood. You can listen to it on repeat all day, or maybe make a compilation of appropriate songs.
Dish suggests you try to keep the day upbeat if possible. Some songs that are catchy yet still convey an appropriate message for the day are: I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred, Thorn in My Side by the Eurythmics, and Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol. (Side note: Ben, you will appreciate this video for its zombie content!)
If you insist on feeling depressed, Dish suggests pretty much anything by Morrissey. Will Never Marry is a classic. Or, you could go with his earlier works and try Never had No One Ever by the Smiths. If you’re really depressed and are looking for something to motivate you toward suicide, try All By Myself by Celine Dion. If this song does not throw you over the edge, Dish does not know what will.
Next, make sure you dress appropriately for SAD. Black, the colour of mourning, is always a classic. Or, if you want to shake things up, you might want to try purple, the colour of the sexually frustrated. You could even try designing your own buttons or t-shirt.
Eating mass quantitites of chocolatey treats is also a must. Most importantly, do not forget to pick up discounted chocolate the day after SAD.
Glaring at happy loving couples who are being too affectionate in public is optional. However, wearing seductive clothing and flirting unnecessarily with other people’s partners is mandatory. This is even more effective if you hum Don’t Cha under your breath while you're at it.
As for missing work, it’s entirely up to you. If you do decide to skip work, Dish suggests that you either call in sick or ask in advance to take it as a vacation day. Failing to report to work without a good reason is irresponsible and Dish does not want to have to translate your Employment Insurance appeal when you lose your job because of your own misconduct and are all whiny and pleading for EI benefits when clearly you are not entitled to receive them. Dish has enough work to do without you creating more.
Now, get out there and enjoy the day. Happy SAD!
Dish
posted by Dish @ 8:25 AM
1 Comments:
Dish, you think guys feel the same way about the dreaded V-Day as single girls stereotypically do?
P.S.Any advice on what to do when flirting shamelessly with someone else's partner lands you in a less-than-friendly tête-à-tête with a made-as-a-hornet girl or boyfriend in some back alley parking lot?
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