u The Main Dish: September 2007

The Main Dish

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Sunday, September 30, 2007

A Truly Amazing Gift

Every so often someone gives a gift so good that it renders the recipient speechless. I received just such a gift on Friday night from my good friend Palmer.

Now everyone knows that Dish loves a good hot dog. She has blogged about them on many an occasion, the most famous of which would be the Thermos Dog post.

I am now the proud owner of a Red Hots 2 Minute Hot Dog Cooker made by Charlescraft. The beauty of this gift is that even though these things have probably been off the market since the 70s, the person selling it at their garage sale still had the instruction booklet!

I'll let it speak for itself:

"Your RED HOTS - Hot Dog Cooker will automatically cook regular or jumbo-sized wieners up to a maximum of 5 1/2 inches in length - fast - up to 2 minutes... piping hot and cooked to your satisfaction...every time!" ( I will refrain from commenting on the hideous use of punctuation here.)

"Children can now safely learn to cook Hot Dogs with a minimum of instruction."

"Open the lid to an upright position and insert your wiener(s) between the cooking contact plates. You may cook 1 to 4 wieners as desired."

"You also have the convenience with your Hot Dog Cooker of cooking frozen wieners. To do so wash the frozen wieners with hot water to remove excess ice and place in unit as per instructions (#2). Cooking time of a frozen wiener is longer (approximately 4 minutes).

"JUST THINK...NO MORE BOILING WATER TO COOK delicious Hot Dogs...the way you and your family want them!"

The true temptation here is to write to Charlescraft and tell them that my beloved Red Hots machine has broken and I can't live without it and see what they can do for me. I wonder do they still have any of these things on hand?

Out of curiosity, I googled to see if I could find any pictures of my Red Hots machine. I did not, but I did find a handy little gadget called the Octodog.

Here is the gadget:













And here is the result:










You can buy your own Octodog or watch an educational how-to video here.

Now that, my friends, is creativity!

posted by Dish @ 7:20 PM 4 comments

Happy International Translation Day

Random discovery: There is a patron saint of translators. Who knew? Is there a patron saint for everything? How do saints become patron saints of certain things? I will never understand this catholicism business. ;o)

Anyway, logically, I can see where the designation came from. St. Jérôme translated the Bible from Hebrew into Latin. International Translation Day is celebrated on the anniversary of his death - September 30.

Apparently Jérôme did not do the TR-01 training program at the Translation Bureau (yes, I firmly believe the Bureau had already infiltrated the world in the year 420) because he made some mighty significant translation errors. The most famous of these is his translation of the chapter in Exodus where Moses comes down from Mount Sinai with "rays of light" coming from his head. Apparently, the Hebrew word for "rays of light" can also mean "horns" and good old Jérôme thought he'd go out on a limb and choose the latter meaning.

Result of the error: Michelangelo decided to use Jérôme's Latin translation and produced a now famous sculpture depicting Moses with horns. Apparently, this is not the only horned depiction of poor Moses. I wonder if a modern day equivalent would be having someone post a horrendous picture of you on facebook for all to see?

I am convinced that this never would have happened if only Jérôme had had a reviser.

Happy International Translation Day.

posted by Dish @ 3:24 PM 1 comments

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Dear Dish on Automobile Seating Arrangements

Dear Dish:

Can you please establish some hierarchy in determining who in a group of individuals gets to sit in the front passenger seat of a car? And I'm not talking about the usual shouting of "shotgun!" and a sibling running to the front car door while preparing for a fight to the death. (Although that is awfully fun.) But what about when you're with work people or a teacher? Is it based on job seniority? Or age? What if you're with peers? Or what about if the older person does not want to be reminded that they're the oldest? Please provide some guidance, preferably in the form of published pamphlet.

Sincerely,

An Avid Screamer of "Shotgun!"

Dear Screamer:

In situations where you feel that the shouting of "shotgun" is inappropriate, you really must learn to use your judgment. Now, given that this quality may be lacking in some readers, here are a few basic rules to get you started.

1) Elderly passengers should always be given shotgun priority no matter what. An elderly woman takes precedence over an elderly man. It may sound old-fashioned, but it's only basic chivalry. And Dish is definitely in favour of chivalry. If you feel the person does not want to be granted shotgun just because of his or her age, try using an excuse such as "I really do prefer to ride in the back." Try to make it sound convincing.

2) The significant other of the driver is second in line for riding shotgun.

3) Always offer your boss shotgun as a sign of respect. To not offer your boss shotgun is to slight them and these are the sorts of things that bosses always remember. If you want to be the one considered for that promotion, sit your arse down in the back seat voluntarily.

4) When dealing with peers, shotgun priority should be determined by height. Tall people should be given priority over short people. Dish is not trying to to be discriminatory against the vertically challenged. The height criteria is a logical solution to the shotgun dilemma given that there is more leg room in the front seat.

5) The significant other may choose to forfeit his or her right to shotgun. Such a gesture is considered particularly appropriate when riding with someone who is tall and the vehicle has only two doors or all the seats in the back will be occupied. In this sort of situation, the passenger who is being offered shotgun by the significant other should argue politely for a few moments (don't overdo it) and then gracefully accept the offer.

6) When a driver is dropping passengers off at various locations, arrange the seating so that the person who is being dropped off last is riding shotgun. This prevents the driver (who is kind enough to take you all home) from feeling like a taxi driver or chauffeur. When the first person to exit the vehicle is elderly or excessively tall, they should still be granted shotgun; however, the other passengers should rearrange their seating as drop-offs are made in order to ensure that the driver is not left alone in the front seat.

7) If the owner is a passenger in his or her own vehicle, the owner gets shotgun.

8) If one of the passengers gets car sick easily, it is in the best interest of everyone involved to let that person ride shotgun.

9) Shotgun should be shared on long road trips.

Please also note that the shouting of "gunshot" or any other variation on "shotgun" is not considered a valid method for laying claim on the coveted front seat.

Best of luck.

Dish

posted by Dish @ 8:22 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dear Dish on Weather

Dear Dish,

The Weather Network lied to me! It was supposed to be sunny skies today and it rained on me whilst I was walking around this morning.

I feel cheated.

Sincerely,

A naïve, trusting person

Dear Naive:

With regard to the weather, maybe you should try Environment Canada’s Weather Office or CBC’s weather page. I find them to be a touch more reliable than the Weather Network.

Regardless, the lesson that you should have learned from this experience is that the only one you can count on is yourself. There’s no need to take CCR’s extreme view of the situation and be prepared to die just because we're in for nasty weather. The best thing to do is to adopt the same motto as the scouts and Japeth, the goat from the movie Hoodwinked, and “Be Prepared”. A small portable umbrella often comes in handy, or you may want to consider a rain poncho that can be folded into a small size. A little planning is really all it takes.

With regard to the spelling of naive, it does not actually require the use of the umlaut, although, interestingly enough, Word likes to enter the umlaut automatically.

Hope this helps.

Dish

Author’s side note: Yes, I did just want to work the word "umlaut" into a blog entry.

posted by Dish @ 4:58 PM 3 comments

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

A New Way of Expressing Road Rage?

Chez 106 always encourages listeners to call in if they see an accident or anything else that could cause traffic delays. Yesterday, a guy calls in and says that he hopes the guy in the black Volkswagen behind him in the fast lane is listening and that, if he is, to stop driving right on his ass. He’s not an airplane and he’s not going to drive any faster. This in itself is funny enough. A song is played. Next thing you know, some other guy calls in. He professes to be the driver of the black Volkswagen and has a message for the other caller. “Get out of the fast lane if you’re going to drive so damn slow.”

Now, who knows if the second caller was actually the driver of the black Volkswagen. If so, it would be an amazingly funny coincidence. Imagine listening to the radio and hearing someone complaining about your driving! Regardless, I found this little échange highly entertaining.

posted by Dish @ 3:35 PM 2 comments

Sunday, September 02, 2007

World Beard and Moustache Championships

Too funny. This totally made me think of Palmer. Read about it here.

posted by Dish @ 11:43 PM 1 comments