u The Main Dish: January 2008

The Main Dish

Looking for the Spoon...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dear Dish on Donuts/Doughnuts

Dear Dish:

Behold the Tim Hortons' Donut of the Month: the candy cane donut.

This idea no doubt taxed the minds of the marketing department at Tim Hortons. But obviousness aside, there's no escaping this sad fact: the donut looks like a candy cane barfed on it. In fact, not just one, but too many spewing candy canes to count. And for those of you that know me, I don't use the term barf liberally. If you're going to use candy cane chunks, at least grind them up uniformly and don't put in excessive chunky chunks of green candy cane. Everybody knows that green is part of the candy cane swirl and not the chunk.

Tim Hortons has made me cynical. But nonetheless, I will still stand in line, like cattle, a couple of mornings a week. Fortunately, I won't meet an untimely death, but will be rewarded with a super-smooth caffeinated beverage.

What do you think of this candy cane donut phenomenon? And Doughtnut v. Donut: Where do you side?

Sincerely, An Avid Consumer/Little Elf

Dear Avid Elf:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was unable to respond to this question before Christmas. Please accept my deepest apologies for not responding in a timelier manner. I realize that this advice is seasonal, but I hope that you will be able to put it to good use next year. After all, Christmas is a mere 329 days away and counting.

Perhaps when the workers at Tim Hortons are paid more than minimum wage, they will feel more inclined to grind the candy canes more uniformly. Until that time, I am afraid you will just have to take what you can get or start making your own donuts with a more appropriate candy cane topping. I do agree, however, that a candy cane with no red should not be classified as a real candy cane. Why, even those delicious cherry­flavoured candy canes are blue and red.

Frankly, I am surprised that you are willing to purchase any sort of iced donut from the Tim Hortons in Place du Centre at all. My experience has always been that the icing is hard and tasteless instead of gooey and delicious as icing should be. It is much safer to stick with the chocolate donut with the sour cream glaze -- Always a delightful choice.

With regard to your decision to drink caffeinated beverages, anyone who has ever seen Clueless knows that caffeine stunts your growth.

As to the spelling of donut/doughnut, the Canadian Oxford states that both are correct. “Donut” is the North American spelling, while “doughnut” is the British. I guess the one you choose will strongly depend on whether you feel more affiliated with the United States or with England. Some readers I know (I won't mention any names) have a special place in their heart for England, particularly for Tony Blair, as demonstrated by their Top 10 Good Looking List.

I leave the spelling issue in your capable hands.

Dish

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Dear Dish on Writing to Advice Columnists

Dear Dish,

I'm alarmed by the lack of new letters in your column. I've come to rely on your advice and support in dealing with lifes quandaries.

Has there been a revolution is wellness where all our problems have magically disappeared? What about all those little wieners that usually write you questions? What are they doing these days?

Sincerely,

An avid reader, but not writer to advice columnists

Dear Avid Reader:

I'm here to help. All questions are welcome. However, it seems a bit hypocritical to expect others to write in about their problems when you are unwilling to do so yourself (except in this instance of course). Also, I am not sure name-calling is going to encourage more communication. Perhaps it would be more mature and productive to spend your time promoting the Dear Dish column to friends and neighbours rather than resorting to mudslinging.

Dish

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Dear Dish on Bodily Functions

Dear Dish:

What do you think about the movie
The Shining? I think it's a masterpiece. More importantly, is there anything wrong with passing gas in front of people you are comfortable with?

Anonymous


Dear Anonymous:

Clearly The Shining is just as its tagline suggests —a masterpiece of modern horror. It has all the elements of a good horror film: an isolated locale, a chauvinistic tortured writer, a creepy child (“redrum, redrum”). Also not to be overlooked is the Simpsons version of this movie, The Shinning. “No beer and no tv make Homer something something.” Both of these come highly recommended by Dish.

As for your question regarding bodily functions, just because you are comfortable, does not mean that the other person is. And really, who is this about? You? That’s kind of selfish don’t you think? Perhaps the best thing to do is to ask the other person how they feel about it. Or, better yet, assume it makes them uncomfortable and restrain yourself. You will never regret being too polite in matters such as these; however, an assumed level of comfort could result in an embarrassing situation for both parties.

Good luck.

Dish

Speaking of Underwear...

This picture still remains one of my favourites on the Eric Conveys an Emotion Web Site. I give you "Hamster in Underpants".


Sadly, it appears that this site has not been updated for awhile, but it does have some good classic photos, such as the above. How can you not laugh at this?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Possible Advantage to Obesity

Ok. I realize that my efforts to keep my blog up to date have been more than a little half-arsed; however, I take only half the blame as there has been a shortage of Dear Dish letters lately. ;o)

I am not going to write a long post to try to make up for my lameness, but I am going to provide a funny link. Who can resist a headline like "XL Underwear Smothers Fire"?!