u The Main Dish: September 2008

The Main Dish

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dear Dish on Shakespeare

Dear Dish:

I've gone to watch many a "Shakespeare in the Park" several times in my life. I don't know why. And this behaviour has gone on in several cities, so it's not an isolated incident.

But here's the problem: I just don't like Shakespeare. I feel there's a social pressure that exists in society to pretend to like it and, hence, I wind up at various Shakespeares in the Park.

So, is it okay to not like Shakespeare? Do you like Shakespeare? How do I deal with the inevitable snootiness of the pro-Shakespearean lobby? I acknowledge its brilliance, but want nothing to do with it.

Sincerely,
The uncultured, and not in a non-yogurt kind of way

Dear Yogurt Lover:

Dish has nothing against Shakespeare, but she does not feel that people should be pressured into seeing Shakespeare plays for the sole purpose of keeping up appearances.

Cultured schmultured. Dish sees no reason to spend your time doing something you despise just to give the appearance of being well-bred. A love or pretended love of Shakespeare is not nearly enough to vault you into the upper class anyway. For that, you need the four Bs: Beauty, brains, breeding and bounty. You must also avoid using vulgar jazz words and wearing hysterectomy pants. (For more information on this topic please watch Cry Baby, a fabulous musical starring Johnny Depp.)

Nevertheless, there are a few valid reasons for going to see Shakespeare in the Park even if you don’t like Shakespeare:

1. A friend who LOVES Shakespeare and is dying to see Shakespeare in the Park has no one else to go with. These are the types of things that good friends do. You are under no obligation to attend if the friend in question already has at least one other person to go with or if the friend is attending merely to appear cultured and not because he or she actually enjoys Shakespeare.

2. You are in school and the play just happens to be the one you are required to read for class. Watching the play in the park is a much more effective use of your time than actually reading it.

3. They are giving out free hot dogs or other delicious treats at the Shakespeare in the Park presentation. In this case, please feel free to get the free treats and then sneak away without actually watching the play.

As for dealing with the fall-out from refusing to attend Shakespeare in the Park, try pointing out to these so-called cultured individuals that you prefer to form your own opinions rather than following blindly along with the rest of the herd.

You go girl!
Dish

posted by Dish @ 4:35 PM 1 comments

Dear Dish Reader Comments

Dear Dish:

I enjoy punctuation epiphanies. I feel using things like semicolons helps me express the inner-most depths of my soul. Keep 'em coming!

Sincerely,
A Wordsmither

*******

Dear Dish:

I was pondering more Dear Dish letters, and it struck me that my last letter (above) may have come across at sarcastic.

I assure you, it wasn't. As someone who has a grammar desk calendar, and often reads it, I actually like to improve my limited grammarabilities. I used a semicolon twice yesterday; once for official government correspondence. Yay!

Cheerio,
Wordsmither

posted by Dish @ 4:22 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dear Dish on Document Shreddage

Dear Dish:

Long time reader, first time writer. You know how it is, I don't need to start off with proper sentences. But let me shower you with praise: Excellent work.

You've really risen in the ranks in the past while, building your advice-giving empire and whatnot. So naturally I was concerned when I read in a previous letter that you may be a target of identity thieves.

Please tell me you shred all important documents. I'm concerned about garbage snoopers. This will help me sleep better at night, and will put to rest any safety issues even though I sleep in a ground-level bachelor suite with no blinds, across the street from unsavoury characters.

Cheerio,
A Concerned Citizen

Dear CC:

First of all, please allow Dish to point out that the term "shower," in the context in which you used it, is defined as bestowing liberally or lavishly. Dish would hardly call one short comment "showering" with praise.

Second, Dish does not currently shred her documents. However, before you panic, you should also know that she does not place them foolishly in the garbage or recycling bin where any of her stalkers could get a hold of them either.

In the past, Dish used to take any documents that needed shredding to work and use the shredder there. At her current workplace, the shredder is nowhere near as heavy duty. As a result, since she has not gotten around to purchasing her own shredder, Dish has just been tossing all such documents into an accordion file or a bag full of other documents that are no longer needed that she will one day get around to shredding or burning.

Last year, Dish had the nerve to laugh at the Staples commercial telling consumers to buy shredders for their loved ones for Christmas, but now she regrets it and a shredder is one of the items on the list she is sending to Santa.

Dish would also like to point out that she rues the day she left Service Canada and its heavy duty shredder, not to mention the free bbqs and cake, parties in the park, food court, two-dollar pad thai and, of course, the stimulating lunch time conversation that for some unknown reason always centred on Star Wars and iPods. Sigh. If only she could turn back time but, alas, it is not to be.

And now,for those who are interested, a word on comma splices:

"You know how it is, I don't need to start off with proper sentences."

"You know how it is" and "I don't need to start off with proper sentences" are both complete sentences and should therefore not be separated by a comma. This grammar dilemma, called a comma splice, can be solved by placing either a period or the ever elusive semicolon where the comma is now.

That is all.
Dish

posted by Dish @ 9:42 PM 4 comments

Monday, September 01, 2008

Dear Dish on Lifestyles of the Famous

Dear Dish:

Readers want to know more details about your lavish lifestyle. For example, what desk-top calendar, and its viewpoints and consumer values, do you currently align with? There's a lot of choices these days.

Is it permissible to have two page-a-day calendars if I can't decide which one I would like the most? What is proper calendar etiquette? I've been told I will suffer untold bad luck if I open a calendar early and stare at its glossy pages before its respective designated day or month.

Sincerely,
Someone who tries but doesn't always keep up with the calendar
It's apparently Thursday, May 29 today.

Dear Someone:

As mentioned before, Dish does not have a desk-top calendar; rather, she prefers the old fashioned wall-hanging calendar with an AC(lightning bolt)DC motif. It even shows the Australian holidays.

From an environmental perspective, even one desk-top calendar is questionable. Two is completely unacceptable. Are you recycling all of those pages? Think of the trees! If you need something to keep you amused on a day-to-day basis, Dish suggests For Better or For Worse for the ongoing drama and Dilbert for a hearty laugh.

As for calendar etiquette, opening the calendar early will not bring bad luck, but it will ruin the surprise as to which pictures you will be looking at in the months to come. It’s like snooping and finding out what all of your Christmas gifts are before Christmas Day. Dish suggests refraining from such activities as it will likely result only in disappointment.

Dish

posted by Dish @ 9:35 PM 2 comments