u The Main Dish: March 2008

The Main Dish

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Dear Dish on Feminism

Dear Dish:

Can you both be a feminist and shave too? If I stop shaving my legs, do I automatically become a feminist?

Can I still say things like, "Don't ask me, I'm just a girl," and "Thinking too much gives you wrinkles?" Can I still believe that they should teach shopping at school and emphasize the importance of baking cookies for the boys?

What are your opinions on this difficult and complex topic?

Sincerely,
A New Wave Feminist

Dear New Wave:

If you stop shaving your legs, the only thing that you are automatically going to become is hairier.

Contrary to popular belief, feminism is not about the body hair. Some people believe that if a woman shaves her legs or other parts of her body she is not truly a feminist because generally speaking men do not shave their body hair and thus she must not truly believe in equality and yadda yadda ya.

The point of feminism is not to make women exactly like men. That is never going to happen. Certain anatomical differences will always prevent this from ever being the case. The purpose of feminism is to promote equality and the freedom of choice. Shave or don’t shave. It’s your choice. It only becomes a feminist issue if you are making that choice because of pressure from a man or from society.

Although you are free to say the things you alluded to in the second part of your question if you so choose, generally speaking, feminists tend to frown upon this way of thinking. It actually goes against everything in which they believe. Now, this may come as a shock to you, but feminists and basically the majority of the general public (with the exception of some backward chauvinists) believe that as a group women are just as smart as men! In fact, if we subscribe to the theory of Mrs. Banks from Mary Poppins, feminists believe that as a group men are rather stupid (Read more about my thoughts about that here). Blaming your lack of desire to express an opinion on your gender merely serves to uphold the ideological structures of our patriarchal society and further oppress women.

As for you comment about thinking too much causing wrinkles, I suggest a good dose of The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. Rush right out and read it right away. This book describes how the ideal standard of beauty (as decided by men) was set to higher and more unattainable levels as women began to break the chains of patriarchy, became involved in more than just the domestic sphere and gained more power. In reality, society's concept of beauty just disguises another method of oppression that causes women to spend more of their time and energy trying to achieve an unattainable ideal and less energy on achieving worthwhile goals. It describes how beauty is a patriarchal construct that leads women see each other as rivals and judge each other on looks rather than working together to end their oppression. (Can you tell that Dish once did an in-depth analysis of this book when she went to the chick school?)

As for the importance of baking cookies for the boys, Dish has nothing against baking cookies for boys who deserve them. In fact, she derives a lot of satisfaction from doing so, when the right boy is the one enjoying them. Don’t worry. I have learned my lesson. I am not going to attempt to renounce my feminist ways again. I am merely embracing the fact that feminism is about choice. And if I choose to bake cookies (or other delicious treats) for men, than so be it. Patriarchy has not pressured me into it. My love of sugar has. And that, my friends, is a completely different topic.

Dish

Side note: Given that the phrase "women are oppressed due to the overarching ideological structures of our patriarchal society" used to be one of my favourite ways to begin a rant back in my hard core feminist days at the Mount (there was even contemplation of a very large tattoo), I thought I would see how many times I have incorporated it into blog entries. Only four times (five if you count this one)! Disappointing. I guess I’ve mellowed since my time there. Maybe I need a refresher course… :o)

posted by Dish @ 10:30 PM 2 comments

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Dear Dish on Men's Attempts to Woo the Ladies

Dear Dish:

The other night, a table of us four ladies were the recipient of a gift in the form of a bottle of Labatt 50 with four straws and a note saying "From the two guys at the end of the bar."

Should we be flattered and in awe of the hilariousness of this situation, or insulted that we were not worthy of four separate bottles?

Sincerely,
Still Thirsty

Dear Thirsty:

Taking offence where none was meant is best left for when you are already in a relationship with a boy. The preferred follow-up action is to then act sulky and force your boy to repeatedly ask you what's wrong, to which you should always answer "nothing" but yet continue to sulk. This makes boys feel desperate to please you and will result in many perks. Try not to overdo it though. That will just make the boy cranky and you will lose your advantage. Also, please be warned that using this tactic too soon (i.e. the first time you meet) may turn boys off and then you won't be able to get them to take you out for a free dinner.

Consequently, what Dish recommends that you do in this situation is to assess the boys in question. Flirt it up. Bat your eyelashes. You might even want to throw in a giggle or two. Meanwhile, keep a close eye on them. Watch. Listen. Do they seem to be the type of boys who are imaginative and have a good sense of humour? If so, take the gesture at face value. It was clearly a clever and hilarious way to get your attention.

On the other hand, if these boys spend the whole time trying to impress you with talk of their fabulous jobs and high salaries, it may be an indication that you are out with cheapskates who like to talk about their money more than they like to spend it (thus the one beer per four girls). If such is the case, run away as fast as you can. No one likes a penny pincher.

Dish

P.S. Cobbler girl, if you are reading this, keep your comments to yourself! ;o)

posted by Dish @ 2:15 PM 0 comments

Monday, March 03, 2008

Dear Dish on Baseless-ly Neurotic Questions

Dear Dish,

According to my computer, your blog is putting cookies on my computer.

In the words of Cindy Lou-Who, "Why, Dish? Why??"

Is this part of some global domination effort? Are you spying on me?

Sincerely,

A Knowledge Surfer

Dear Surfer:

Once again, we thank Dr. Robert for his technological wisdom. Dish's comments on his response are in italics.

*****

Welcome, welcome, welcome boys and girls to another fun-filled (or is that fact-filled) episode with Doctor Robert. Can we just say where Doctor Robert has been lately? The Apple Store. The sole reason being that Cosmopolitan indicated that a great place to meet single men is at The Apple Store. We all know you want to end up with a geek...because geeks don't harm women. They like playing Dungeons and Dragons and reading ancient issues of Uncanny X-Men (and if you got the Weezer reference in that sentence, BRAvo.)

Taken from Wikipedia (Dish continues to wonder why Dr. Robert didn't learn anything about Wikipedia from the Hatchet fiasco), cookies (in the web browser sense, not the ones Mama Robert made years ago that were a hit in the lunchroom) are used for authenticating, tracking, and maintaining specific information about users, such as site preferences or the contents of their electronic shopping carts. The term "cookie" is derived from "magic cookie," a well-known concept in UNIX computing which inspired both the idea and the name of HTTP cookies.

Let's say you go onto a website which we all love...Facebook (Dish doesn't think Dr. Robert should be saying that we all love facebook when he is not even a member). Well, if you allow your browser to accept cookies from the Facebook website, then your browser can remember great things like what your username was, or what colour theme you had on it last (if only Facebook had this feature...it would be the ultimate!). Or when you go onto aircanada.com and look up flight information to Charlottetown (woops, sorry, only one flight per month out there!) (Dish does not appreciate Dr. Robert's cracks about her home town), then if you allow your browser to accept the website's cookie then you may not have to re-enter all the same information the next time you go back. It will be saved within the input fields and you can choose or not choose to use them.

Doctor Robert personally sees no harm in accepting cookies. Sure, there are malicious users out there but if you are visiting trusted websites (like this one for example), you know that Dish is not trying to kill your computer. But for the ultra-suspicious, you can easily go into your web browser settings (Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, etc.) and indicate that you do not wish to accept cookies. This won't affect your visiting of the site but each time you return you may have to input information (if there were fields to input them to in the first place).

I must leave now as a fox has started to talk up Doctor Robert while he was writing this entry from the Apple Store. Ciao!

posted by Dish @ 11:58 AM 0 comments

Dear Dish on Keeping Secrets

Dear Dish:

Throughout my years on this Earth (as opposed to the other one), I have encountered the phrase "But don't tell anyone" or "Shh. That's a secret." One would believe that if you hear this phrase, then you should keep it to yourself to respect your friend. The only exception would be if it the secret ends up harming another friend, but that's a different case.

Now, my question revolves around people in relationships and whether or not a person can share the secret with them. I shall give you an example:

Let's say Sally tells Jemaine that she was kissing a boy on Saturday night. She also stipulates that this is to remain a secret. So, in respecting his friend, Jemaine decides to keep the secret, and not even mention it to his lovely girlfriend Trixie, who is the most caring (and beautiful) person on the Earth. And has an accent.

Let it be noted that Trixie was also at the same establishment where this kiss took place on the night in question. One would think that if Trixie saw this, then chances are she would have told Jemaine, hence Jemaine assumes that Trixie did not see the kissing event and realizes that he should keep it a secret (out of respect for his friend Sally).

QUESTION: Is it fine to share these secrets with loved ones? A sub-question to this is whether or not it is assumed that if Sally tells Jemaine to keep a secret, that because Jemaine is in a relationship with Trixie the secret can automatically be passed onto her (unless there is the caveat of "And don't tell Trixie!!!").

In the end, Jemaine looks like a moron because Trixie brought it up because Sally was also talking to Trixie about the event. So here we have Sally telling both Jemaine and Trixie about the same event, but as far as Jemaine can tell, he was asked to keep it a secret. Was this a test on Jemaine? In the future, should he just assume that people know that whenever a secret is told, he's going to share it with Trixie?

A perplexed partner

Dear Perplexed:

In this situation Dish feels that Jemaine should be applauded for his integrity. Truly he is an honest and faithful friend to Sally.

In response to your question, IDEALLY, Dish feels that if you tell someone something and specify that it is a secret, than that means it is a secret. If someone confides a secret in you than that means it is for yours ears alone. It is not for you share with just one person. It is not for you to assume that you may also tell your partner. Should the person with the secret choose to tell other people, than that is their concern. It is not your business to share the secret with others, or even to drop hints or to see if you can figure out who, if anyone, has also been told the secret. Dish believes that this is the standard that should be upheld.

However, in the real world, things tend to work a little differently. Dish has to say that if she tells one part of a couple something that is a secret, she generally assumes that the person will share her secret with their significant other. If she does not want the significant other to know the secret, than generally she just will specifically ask that person not to tell their significant other. Even so, this is not always a guarantee and sometimes she just won’t tell that person the secret at all.

Now, just because Dish tends to be a bit cynical (Her mother didn’t give her a guide for cynics for nothing...Dish sometimes wonders if her mothers really understands her sense of humour. Mom, if you're reading this, I love you!), Dish does not advocate that Jemaine give up his high standards. Far from it. The world needs more men like Jemaine. Dish is merely warning unsuspecting readers that, when they are confiding in most others besides Jemaine, they are likely sharing their secret with two people, if their confidante is part of a couple.

With regard to whether Sally was merely testing Jemaine, it is possible; however, there could also be other explanations. For example, perhaps Sally is jaded and assumes that Jemaine is like most others and that her secret would be passed on to Trixie anyway. Perhaps Sally merely forgot to inform Jemaine that she had also told Trixie (clearly, this would have been the and courteous thing to do). Or, perhaps Sally is just one of those people who can’t even keep her own secret. Dish suggests that Jemaine ask Sally about it directly since that is the only way to truly uncover the reasoning behind her actions.

Hope this clears up any confusion.
Dish

posted by Dish @ 11:40 AM 0 comments