The Main Dish: February 2006

Monday, February 27, 2006

Descent Into Madness

Ok. So last night I went to bed, oh, about 11 p.m. I was all cozy under the blankets, potentially half asleep when I could have sworn that I felt someone sit down on the edge of my bed. Since I live alone and had no visitors, this was very disturbing. I convinced myself that I was just half asleep and tried to go back to sleep. The next time, I was not half asleep. It was only a few minutes later. I felt the end of the bed sag as though someone were sitting down on it. This time I actually got out of bed (or leaped but who is really keeping track), turned on all the lights and looked through the whole room (under the bed and in closets, even out the window to check the balcony). Nothing. I was so creeped out. It then actually happened again a third time, at which point I just put the blankets over my head and tried to accept the fact that I am stark raving mad. I mean I know that I have a tendency to have crazy dreams that feel real and to do crazy things in my sleep as a result, but this time I was completely awake. Is this the defining moment where I begin my descent from ranting feminist to complete lunatic? HELP!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Well Done, Sister Suffragettes!

Ok. Just one more little bit of feminism...So I was watching Mary Poppins this weekend and I had quite forgotten how fabulous a movie it is. I have to say, one of my favorite moments is when Mrs. Banks arrives home from her suffragettes meeting. Of course since Mary Poppins is a musical, she has to tell us all about "the cause" in song. A key line and very memorable quote that quite sums up my feelings: "Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid." If you so desire, you can read the lyrics to the entire song here.

Jennie was quick to point out that had I lived in 1910, I would have been Mrs. Banks. Who knows? It might have been fun to chain myself to the wheel of the British Prime Minister's carriage!

One small mar on the feminist movement is that I have read that when Mrs. Banks donates her Votes for Women sash to the children for a tail for their kite, it symbolizes her leaving the ranks of the suffragettes and embracing her proper role as mother. If true, it seems that it is only reflecting Walt Disney's view of women's proper roles and not necessarily the opinions of P. L. Travers, the author of the Mary Poppins books. I read about her and apparently she adopted a boy and raised him as a single mother. So, really, Mrs. Banks must have put her sash on the kite to try to increase advertising for women's rights!

Another key quote from the movie, not feminist related: "I don't like to see any living thing caged up. [...] They makes cages in all sizes and shapes, you know. Bank-shaped some of 'em, carpets and all." This made me think about my own cage. It's cube shaped with beige fabric walls and a distinct lack of proper internet...why oh why does the weekend have to go by so fast?

Friday, February 24, 2006

Curses

Curses upon the Internet connection at work that blocks me from all sites interesting and fun.

Curses upon my own non-techiness because now that Matt cleaned up my computer at home, I can no longer log into my email and I have tried everything to fix it and can't.

Curses upon the icy hand of winter. I thought that I had foiled it and had managed not to regret the fact that I didn't buy a thicker winter jacket.

Curses upon the fairies who never show up to make my dinner or clean my house.

Curses upon the evil black dirty rat squirrels because I curse them everyday.

Curses upon traffic circles because they are accidents waiting to happen.

Curses upon having to log what you are doing every minute of the work day.

Curses upon silent office spaces where you can hear yourself think so loudly you feel like you want to go out with a high-powered rifle and fire some shots just to shake things up and make SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING.

Curses upon entropy because a few days ago my house was spotlessly clean and without seemingly any effort, it is now random chaos once again.

Curses.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

She's baaack (in an annoying child from Poltergeist voice)

After a long hiatus, I am finally back. I have to say that it is difficult to maintain a blogging schedule when you are not doing a regular work week. Also, it does not help that the internet connection at home in PEI was not the most fantabulously fast -- about a step up from dial-up -- and you techie boys are giving me a hard time about my High Speed Lite connection! Did you know that high speed internet is not even availabe in some parts of PEI. Scandal!

Internet savvy it may not be, but if you are looking for good fake Chinese food, PEI is the place to go. Nothing compares. The Chinese restaurants have the most delicious sweet and sour sauce you have ever tasted. It is a rich red colour as opposed to the nasty orangey stuff every where else. What's up with that? Why can't I find this goodness anywhere else but at home?!

Anyhoo, to get back into the feminist spirit of ths blog, check out this ebay bid. This woman is selling the remote control to her husband's tv in an effort to get him to help around the house. If only this poor woman knew how to obtain and properly train menions. Did you know that in couples where both the man and the woman work full time outside the home, the woman usually does about 2/3 of the housework. Also, of that 1/3 of the work that the man does do, it is more likely to be the fun jobs like playing with the kids, rather than the crappy jobs like doing the dishes and the like. The Dish's comment on this? "Tsk, tsk!" Maybe I should start giving menion training classes...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

List of Fours

Am I too late to get in on this? I'm feeling left out... I won't get into where it is stolen from. Suffice it to say that the idea was stolen.

Four Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life
1. Assistant Coordinator for the PEI Canada Day Committee (my most rocking summer job ever)
2. Laundry Folder
3. Parks Canada Campground Attendant
4. Government Lifer

Four Places You Have Lived
1. Charlottetown, PEI
2. Halifax, NS
3. Ottawa, ON
4. that's it

Four Music Artists You Can’t Hear Too Often
1. Eric Clapton
2. Aerosmith
3. Any hairband singing a power ballad
4. Morrissey (as part of the Smiths or solo)

Four Favorite Books
1. The Princess Bride
2. Jeanne, Fille du Roy
3. Anything Roald Dahl
4. Anything Gordon Korman

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. The Princess Bride
2. Clueless
3. Better Off Dead
4. Napoleon Dynamite

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Anything Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly, Angel)
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Lost
4. Degrassi

Four Places You Have Been On Vacation
1. Europe (various locations)
2. North Carolina
3. Utah
4. Vegas

Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. http://www.fborfw.com
2. http://dilbert.com/
3. http://evilsmurfette.blogspot.com
4. http://www.theguardian.pe.ca/

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1. Chocolate
2. KFC
3. Mashed potatoes
4. Pina coladas (can they count as food? liquor free of course)

Four Hobbies
1. Smurf collecting
2. Movie watching
3. Blogging
4. Writing harlequin romance novels

Celebrities Abound

Well, here I am on the fair isle of Prince Edward. The trip home was fairly uneventful aside from the fact that I was surrounded by "celebrities". On the flight from Halifax to PEI, I had the good fortune of sitting next to celebrity Joe McGuire. MP, Egmont Riding. Also one row in front of me, actually facing my direction was Brent Butt from Corner Gas. Apparently they are supposed to be filming an episode here.

In other intriguing celebrity news...Alexander Keith's will need to find a new spokesman since the actor that plays the angry Scottish guy has been charged with possession of child pornography. Also, Kristy Swanson of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame (the movie, not the tv show) has prompted Lloyd Eisler, figure skating Olympic meddalist, to run off with her, abandonning his two small children. What a great world we live in.

On a personal note, it is always interesting when the family gets together. Highlights so far include: a French uncle who looks like an Italian Mobster and sings like Father Abraham from that Father Abraham and the Smurfs album, a great uncle who uses a Whisper 2000 because he thinks it works better than a hearing aid and then uses it to listen to people talking across the room, inappropriate yet extremely funny funeral humour from sources who will remain nameless, and the strange things people do to make fools of themselves when there is a baby present (I was loving the the donald duck voice courtesty of my mom's cousin).

That's the news for now. The future holds a very omninous looking pile of leftover sandwiches. I'll let you know how it all works out.

Monday, February 13, 2006

People Are Strange

Two random incidents last week worthy of note:

1. Was at Hartman's shopping for groceries. Anyone who has every been grocery shopping with me before knows that I somehow have a tremendous amount of trouble getting those stupid plastic bags for produce open. Perhaps it is a lack of coordination, perhaps I am really one of the x-men and my fingers give off static electricity. Who knows. Anyway, there I am, minding my own business, trying to get a plastic bag open so I can fill it up with green peppers or some such thing, when some guy walks up to me and literally grabs the bag out of my hands. I look at him in confusion. He opens the bag and then says "Sorry, I just couldn't watch you do that any more." I mean ok. Thanks for the help buddy, but you don't have to be grabby. You could say, "Let me help you with that." So sorry if my incompetence drove you to the brink of insanity. Sheesh.

2. Was driving around down Hunt Club (I think..somewhere in that vicinity anyway) on Saturday afternoon. Happened to glance in my rearview mirror and noticed something strange hanging off the rearview mirror of the car behind me. Is that women's underwear? The guy driving pulls up beside me at the next intersection and indeed it is women's thong underwear hanging from his rearview mirror. What the heck? What could possibly be the reasoning behind that one? The possibilities:

He recently got it on and took the underwear as proof.
A girl put them there to mark her territory.
He isn't getting it on with anyone but wants people to think he is.
He is trying to prove his male stallionship.
He recently got it on in the car and the girl forgot her underwear and he put it there so he wouldn't forget to give it back.
He ran out of room on his drying rack at home and figured the rearview mirror was the next best solution to his laundry quandry.

Anyone have any other ideas? Regardless, I have to say I found it rather tasteless. And, in my opinion, if you are going to hang underwear from your rearview mirror, I have to say that I feel like you should drive a better car than a Cavalier. I used to drive a Cavalier and although it gets you around, it ain't doin nothin for your coolness quota. In summary, if underwear has to absolutely be hung from any rearview mirror, it should only be permitted in cars that at least cost more than the $12, 000.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Hurray for Childlessness

Marion and I were talking this evening about how it seems that we have no exited the phase where all of our friends are getting married and we have to go to 6 weddings per summer and have now entered the all new and equally exciting phase where all of our friends have children.

Now, some of us would be inclined to look at this situation and feel like we are being left behind or that it is so depressing that all of our friends have "grown up", while we still remain single and childless. Well, take a second look...

Apparently, researchers have discovered that adults with children are significantly more likely to report symptoms of depression than those without kids. Even when the kids grow up and move away from home, the rates of depression are still higher. In fact, they even go so far as to say that the mental health costs from having children outweigh the benefits. More info can be found here.

Those who know my feminist rants will assume that I am a hardened old spinster who will never marry or have children. This may or may not be the case. I am not heartily opposed to doing either when I finally get over my Peter Pan complex and decide to grow up. I am just saying that in the meantime it is nice to know that while all my friends from back home are moving on with their lives and having kids, I am enjoying a few extra years with a lot less depression. Suckas!

Keep in mind that this also provides good ammo for those smug-married friends who feel it is their duty to always ask you when you plan on getting married and having kids.

As always, just something to think about. ;o)

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Million Dollar Hotel

This week at Cinéma Dish, The Million Dollar Hotel. This movie, written by Bono, starts when a billionaire's son dies in a skid row hotel and a federal agent turns the lives of the residents upside down to find out if it was suicide or murder.

Apparently U2 does a short cameo.

Key lines to listen for:

"No matter how strange or despicable you act, I can do one better, because I work for the government!" (This one should appeal to all those public servants out there!)

"You shouldn't smoke, 'cause people die of it and sometimes they even get cancer."

I will refrain from giving my opinion on Bono's writing until I see the movie, but based on that last quote, I am not sure it is looking good...

Anyway, usual time and place. Email me for more info, but just be forewarned that I will only be checking my email in the evenings.

Out of the Loop

Well, day one of the new job is complete and already I am feeling way out of the loop. I am in for two weeks of orientation, which means I am in a training room sans computer. How can I dish when I am cut off from technology??!! What is the point of creating comment-inducing blog entries when I can’t participate in the madness and mockery that ensues? It is all very tragic.

As for the new job...well, so far so stressful. I am in training with a group of about 20 people. The entire class (besides me) is Francophone. Over half the class went to translation school together at Laval and are all the best of friends. Most likely it will just take me some time to get into it, but so far I am finding the whole situation very intimidating.

I understand French. I speak French, but I don’t feel like I am at the point where I can give a true reflection of myself in French. I tend to be on the quiet side in situations where I don’t know anyone, but this is even worse! By the time I am able to gather my thoughts in French, the conversation has moved on and the moment has passed.

Also, it is a lot of work to listen in French all day. In English, I can listen, read a magazine, doodle, whatever all at the same time. However, I am not in complete-French-thinking-mode yet. That means I spent the whole day listing intently for fear that I would miss something important. When I tune out in English, at least I have the ability to half listen and catch important points. If I tune out in French, I am just gone.

Anyway, on the brighter side, I am sure that this will be easier with time and that in the end it will all be good for me. I mean really, the reason why I moved to Ottawa in the first place was to improve my French and so far so nothing. I need this. I just don’t understand why all this self-improvement business always has to require so much work and effort!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Top O' the Muffin to Ya

Recent breakfast conversation has focussed on the fact that I prefer the muffin top over the muffin stump. So hard to explain why, but I think Elaine from Seinfeld captures it best in The Muffin Tops episode when she says "Oh yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy, it's explosive, it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does it's own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops."

See, I'm not the only one out there who thinks that way! The stump is just kind of lack lustre in comparison to the muffin top. And it is always so much more awkward to eat. The muffin top can be broken off into small pieces without really crumbling. Not so with the stump.

Anyway, I have been trying to get this post up since this morning, but I've been busy, busy with all kinds of last minute sort of stuff. Last day of work and all.

Very sad in a way. I'm excited to try something new, but kind of sad to leave at the same time. I made some good friends here and there has been fun times. And on that note, I am going to post this and finish packing up my stuff.

Song of the Moment: California Dreamin' by The Mamas and the Papas

Welcome to the 23rd Century

So, for last night's movie nite, we didn't end up watching any of the movies up for vote. Instead we settled on the very cheesy Logan's Run (circa 1976).

Set in the year 2274, when ecological disaster has driven civilization to the protection of domed cities, this story revolves around a society that holds a ceremonial death ritual (carrousel) for all citizens who reach the age of 30. In a diseaseless city where old age is virtually unknown, Logan (Michael York) is a sandman, one who enforces this radical method of population control. Problem is that he's about to turn 30 and he doesn't want to die.

I have to admit, I had a most wicked headache and missed some apparently very intriguing and confusing ice scenes, although what I did catch of this movie, I quite enjoyed. Very hardcore sci-fi.

Something to think about. I was born in 1976, the year this movie was released. In the movie, everyone turning 30 is terminated. Coincidence?

Key quotes:
"There's nothing sadder than a dead fish."
"You're beautiful. Let's have sex." (ah the 70s!) The girl denies him and his follow up remark is "So why are you wasting my time? hmm?"

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Make It Big

Too funny. Some random guy just came by my cube and demanded to know where the Wham! album I usually have on my filing cabinet went. I packed it yesterday as I am leaving for my new job starting Monday. Apparently, he has been using Wham! as a navigational tool for getting around the floor. He uses it as a marker to tell him where he is. Awesome! Maybe I should leave it behind for the greater good...

Indecisive Groundhogs

So, apparently Wiarton Willie, Canada's foremost furry weather forecaster, who currently lives in Ontario, did not see his shadow, which means that we are in for an early spring (and there was much rejoicing).

Shubenacadie Sam, Nova Scotia's weather-predicting groundhog, also concurred (and there was much rejoicing).

Problem: Punxsutawney Phil, the Pennsylvania rodent, saw his shadow.

What does this mean? Is someone going to be forced to eat Phil for the rejoicing to continue? (Sorry, couldn't avoid the Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference.) Why does the American groundhog have to be so difficult? Why can't he just agree with the Canadian groundhogs? Why are we even depending on evil rat-like creatures to predict the weather anyway? Isn't this an era of science? I say banish all the groundhogs and the evil black rat squirrels. Maybe they can go live with Phil. Or maybe we could ship them to Alberta. They claim to be rat-free province but maybe they could use some rodents of other varieties.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Movie Nite Voting

Generosity overcomes me. I have decided to put this week's movie nite up to a vote. The winner will be the movie that gets the most votes. In the event of a tie, I reserve the right to decide the winning movie. Without further ado (insert drum roll here) this week's nominees are:

1. One Crazy Summer - A classic 80s Cusack film
2. The Thing - Starring a shape-shifting alien
3. Million Dollar Hotel - Written by Bono
4. Wicker Park - Starring Josh Hartnett as a crazy stalker

Place your vote in the comments section. Voting closes tomorrow at noon.

Coining a New Term

Minion (n.) - a servile or fawning dependant. There are other definitions, but I think we have captured the main essence with that one. I am always fond of saying that as a goddess, I am always in need of minions. Artoo pointed out to me today at lunch that since my minions all tend to be male, I should start calling them "menions". And thus a new word is born!

Menion (n.) - a male servile or fawning dependant in the service of the goddess Dish.

A note to my menions: The word minion is actually derived from the French mignon meaning darling (somewhat in the sense of "the precious"). Of course that sort of starts us down a strange and disturbing road. I think it is best we stop the analysis right here.

I love my new word. Thanks Artoo!

Did You Know...

...That if you don't have new bus pass on the first day of the month, OC Transpo will trade your last month's bus pass for a daily pass. What a swell deal, or possibly just a way for them to confiscate your old pass so you can't keep trying to use it all month. Either way, it worked out great for me because I didn't quite have enough bus tickets to last me through the week and I am still crossing my fingers for parking at the new job so I didn't want to buy another pass quite yet.

...That it was just a joke when the Italian Prime Minister said that he would abstain from sex until the April 9 election. Read about it here. My question is what does this have to do with anything? Why even say that in a speech? He's married. How does not having sex with your wife prove that you have good family values? Unless he was talking about abstaining from sex with one or more mistresses, but really, if that were the case it should specify. Anyway, this article was good for a laugh.

...That the new Anne and Gilbert musical that debuted last summer at the Victoria Playhouse on PEI was a smashing success. And this is a surprise because...? I mean how could it not be? The tourists eat that stuff up. Anything Anne-related sells. Sheesh.

...That it is easier to buy new shoes than attempt to walk for long (or even short) distances on your heels so that the snow does not seep in through the holes in the bottom of your shoes and get your socks wet. Granted, I do have a good laugh every time I watch Ryan do this. :o)

Those are today's random thoughts. Don't worry. I will come up with some more controversial topics once I get a chance to get more into my yearly feminist read.

The Main Dish